mooseravenclaw:

jaclcfrost:

a good response to the question “how old are you?” is something along the lines of “dunno i stopped counting after the first few centuries”

and it needs to be said seriously without smiling or humor or as casually as possible and followed by “so anyway” and a subject change as if it’s completely normal

"I stopped counting a few decades ago. no. what’s the one with the zeros? millennia that’s it. human time keeping is so confusing."







pokemon-personalities:

i don’t have time for people who put the words “used to” before the words “like pokemon” 



brigwife:

kidouyuuto:

how did they learn to translate languages into other languages how did they know which words meant what HOW DID TH

English Person: *Points at an apple* Apple

French Person: Non c’est une fucking pomme 

*800 years of war*



vein13:

serenading-the-unicorn:

gymleaderkarkat:


What are you so afraid of!?

I’m REALLY sorry but it looks like they’re about to rap battle



it got better

vein13:

serenading-the-unicorn:

gymleaderkarkat:

What are you so afraid of!?

I’m REALLY sorry but it looks like they’re about to rap battle

it got better



eatpussylivehappy:

I think you’re cute

cute as in I wanna hear what you sound like while experiencing an orgasm



policymic:

Never be confused about tipping again


The tipping struggle may become a little bit easier, thanks to this former waiter who pounded the pavement to analyze who expects to be tipped and by how much. This simple chart should help you in your tipping decisions, even if you’re wondering whether your doorman expects a little more than a box of your grandmother’s cookies.
Read more | Follow policymic

policymic:

Never be confused about tipping again

The tipping struggle may become a little bit easier, thanks to this former waiter who pounded the pavement to analyze who expects to be tipped and by how much. This simple chart should help you in your tipping decisions, even if you’re wondering whether your doorman expects a little more than a box of your grandmother’s cookies.

Read moreFollow policymic



im gonna start working on this in 10 minutes no exceptions
— me fucking lying to myself (via youtubeofficial)


Go towards the big penis-shaped watertower.
— How to give directions in Ypsi (via peace-is-a-living-fire)